Regarding denial and it's effects, and a word of love for my Father

Why denial is so harmful, a word of caution.

I’ve lived with my Dad my entire life. My mom has lived with him for the past 25 years. We’ve seen it all. We’ve seen the overdoses, the accidents, everything. We’ve prepared for his passing for years. My Dad’s family however, his parents and sisters, have been in utter denial about his problems. When asked to help in getting him to rehab, they ignored us. When my Mom pleaded with them to go visit him and check on him, urging them that he shouldn’t be living alone, they refused.

Now my Dad has passed on. And it’s taken me less than 3 days to accept that. Like I said, I’ve been preparing forever. But the people who were so unwilling to help, because they believed that their own problems were much greater? They are devastated. How did this happen? In shock. Utter disbelief. And we’ve been telling them all along.

I mean, I’m grateful to my Dad. If he had to die this early, then at least he prepared me well. I made my peace with him. He knows that I love him. If he didn’t know when he died, then he knows after me asking God several times to tell him.

When people say that they have a problem, or when others say that someone has a problem, believe it. Don’t ignore it because it’s too difficult to think about. Don’t ignore it because you don’t think it matters. It may save their lives, and it may save yours from being in crippling disbelief when something inevitable happens.

I love you so much Dad. You’ve done a lot of stuff that I had a hard time with, but your heart was always in the right place. Even if it took a divorce to get you to come to terms with some things, I’m so grateful that you did. In my mind, making that peace was what allowed you to move on.

I’m so sorry that you couldn’t be at my wedding in person. But I know you’ll still be there. Max did really want to ask you for my hand, things just got in the way. But I know that you loved him like your own son, and that you would have done anything for us to be happy and taken care of. And you did. We’re going to be able to afford the most beautiful wedding ever.

I struggled for a long time with meaning the words “I love you". And now I wish that you could hear them a million more times. I really really do love you. Thank you for becoming the Father I always wanted, even if it was only for a few months.

 -Holly